Tag Archives: funny

COOL PEOPLE- ONE LINERS FROM GROUCHO MARX

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Groucho Marx – 30 great one-liners

Groucho Marx in 1933

Groucho Marx (1890-1977):

‘I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception.’

Worse Than Sex? ‘M’ Is for May and Masturbation Month

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Worse Than Sex? ‘M’ Is for May and Masturbation Month

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masturbation_c_201361

Worse Than Sex? ‘M’ Is for May and Masturbation Month

MASTURBATION

The workers of the world can have their International Workers’ Day, or Labor Day or whatever, but the month of May belongs to an equally fundamental dignity: masturbation.

these animations of famous paintings will crack you up

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814959867_107ba9c442_ohttp://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2NrKCN/:1-e_ZSBVx:Y$7If3vE/www.incrediblethings.com/art-design/these-animations-of-famous-paintings-will-crack-you-up/

if a cow laughs really hard would milk come out of her nose?

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if a cow laughs really hard would milk come out of her nose?

cow6

images (103)

images (104)

  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  • What’s another word for Thesaurus?
  • Who decided what order to put the alphabet in?
  • Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
  • Why are there locks on the doors to the convenience store that is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year?
  • Why do they call them apartments when they are all stuck together?
  • Why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor when you cannot drink and drive? And why do bars have parking lots?
  • Why does TEFLON stick to the frying pan, since nothing ever sticks to TEFLON?
  • Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
  • Why are there Interstate Highways in Hawaii?
  • Why are there flotation devices under plane seats, instead of parachutes?
  • Why do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog buns only eight?
  • Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
  • If you keep trying to prove Murphy’s Law, will something keep going wrong?
  • Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
  • Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for monosyllabic ?
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  • If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
  • Why doesn’t onomatopoeia sound like what it is?
  • Does a fish get cramps after eating?
  • Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a near miss ? Shouldn’t it be called a near hit ?
  • Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
  • You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same material?
  • Why isn’t palindrome spelled the same way backwards?
  • If you see a heat wave, should you wave back?
  • Why does sour cream have a ‘best if used-by’ date? Does it turn sweet?
  • How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
  • Why is it called TOOTHbrush when you brush all of your teeth?
  • Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
  • If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
  • Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
  • Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
  • Why isn’t “phonetic” spelled the way it sounds?
  • ‘Professional’ Rhetorical Questions

    Taking advantage of words with double meanings…..

    • If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t if follow that electricians can be delighted; musicians denoted; cowboys deranged; models deposed; tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed? — Virginia Ostman
    • Can a princess be disenchanted?
    • Can married people be decoupled?
    • Can fishermen be debated?
    • Can a trash collector be well disposed?
    • Can a doctor be patient?
    • Can teachers be detested?
    • Does a hair stylist ever get distressed?
    • Can a president be denominated?
    • Can a lawbreaker be defined?
    • Can songwriters be decomposed?
    • Have you ever heard of a symphony conductor getting disconcerted?
    • Can an HVAC technician be deducted?
    • Can an engineer be retrained?
    • Can a writer be described?
    • Have you ever seen a haberdasher who’s mad as a hatter?
    • Can a guide be detoured?
    • Can a magician become disillusioned?
    • Could the Cowardly Lion discouraged, the Tin Man disheartened, and the Scarecrow reminded?

hippie quotes

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hippie quotes

200JPFGUMM0Hippie Quotes, Sayings, and Phrases

Hippie Quotes on Music

Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like nobody’s watching.

-Satchel Paige

We’re more popular than Jesus now; I don’t know which will go first- rock and roll or Christianity.

-John Lennon

Do you believe in rock ‘n roll? Can music save your mortal soul?

-Don McLean

Down through all of eternity the crying of humanity, tis’ then when the hurdy gurdy man comes singing songs of love.

-Donovan

Do you believe in magic? Believe in the magic of a young girl’s soul? Believe in the magic of rock ‘n roll? Believe in the magic that can set you free?

-The Lovin’ Spoonful

The New York State Freeway’s closed, man. Far out!

-Arlo Guthrie

Good morning! What we have in mind is breakfast in bed for 400,000.

-Wavy Gravy at Woodstock

Let the sound take you away…

-Steppenwolf

There was a band playing in my head, and I felt like getting high

-Neil Young

We all sang the songs of peace

-Melanie

We all got up to dance. Oh, but we never got the chance!

-Don McLean

You know what rock musicians are? They are hung up, neurotic, over-weight hippies with sex problems.

-David Lee Roth

Love is a friendship set to music.

-Joseph Campbell

Hippies on Activism

Hippie Activism Quotes

There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.

-Jim Morrison

The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.

-Abbie Hoffman

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.

-Eldridge Cleaver

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

-Mahatma Ghandi

Never doubt that a small group of thoughful, committed individuals can change the world, indeed it’s the only thing that ever has.

-Margaret Meade

He who takes a stand is often wrong, but he who fails to take a stand is always wrong.

-Anonymous

They won’t give peace a chance, that’s just a dream some of us had

-Joni Mitchell

Hell no, we won’t go!

-Anti-war chant

Question Authority!

-Unknown

If I’m free, it’s because I’m always running.

-Jimi Hendrix

Masses are always breeding grounds of psychic epidemics.

-Carl Jung

Mother, should I trust the government?

-Pink Floyd

We all want to change the world.

-Beatles

Hippie Philosophy

Jack Kerouac

Hippie Quotes on Philosophy

Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.

-Alan Watts

You’re either on the bus or off the bus.

-Ken Kesey

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”

-Jack Kerouac

Kerouac opened a million coffee bars and sold a million pairs of Levis to both sexes. Woodstock rises from his pages.

-William S. Burroughs

When you’ve seen beyond yourself, then you may find, peace of mind is waiting there.

-George Harrison

Old hippies don’t die, they just lie low until the laughter stops and their time comes round again.

-Joseph Gallivan

Hippy is an establishment label for a profound, invisible, underground, evolutionary process. For every visible hippy, barefoot, beflowered, beaded, there are a thousand invisible members of the turned-on underground. Persons whose lives are tuned in to their inner vision, who are dropping out of the TV comedy of American Life.

-Timothy Leary

All I’m gonna do is just go on and do what I feel.

-Jimi Hendrix

It all depends on how we look at things, and not how they are in themselves.

-Carl Jung

Imagine no possesions, I wonder if you can, No need for greed or hunger, A brotherhood of man. Imagine all the people Sharing all the world.

-John Lennon

Hippies and Drugs

Hippie Quotes on Drugs

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.

-Bob Marley

His hair has the long jesuschrist look. He is wearing the costume clothes. But most of all, he now has a very tolerant and therefore withering attitude toward all those who are still struggling in the old activist political ways…while he, with the help of psychedelic chemicals, is exploring the infinite regions of human consciousness.

-Tom Wolfe

Purple Haze all in my brain, lately things don’t seem the same. Actin’ funny but I don’t know why. ‘Scuse me while I kiss the sky.

-Jimi Hendrix

Your mind is like a parachute, it doesn’t work unless it’s open.

-Jordan Maxwell

Dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope.

-Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

If you can remember the ’60s, then you weren’t there.

-Unknown

One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small. And the ones that mother gives you don’t do anything at all. Go ask Alice, when she’s ten feet tall.

-Jefferson Airplane

My advice to people today is as follows: If you take the game of life seriously, if you take your nervous system seriously, if you take your sense organs seriously, if you take the energy process seriously, you must turn on, tune in, and drop out.

-Timothy Leary

I get by with a little help from my friends, get high with a little help from my friends.

Hippie Quotes About Love

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.

-Joseph Campbell

Make Love, Not War

-Unknown

Love is all you need.

-Beatles

I’ll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.

-Unknown

Make Love, Not War

-Unknown

I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not tin this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.

-Frederick E. Perl

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it…It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.

-Erica Jong

We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep on watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it”

-John Lennon

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love.

-Kahlil Gibran

Made up my mind to make a new start. Going to California with an aching in my heart. Someone told me there’s a girl out there with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair.

-Led Zeppelin

Carry on, love is coming. Love is coming to us all.