101 Contradictions Old Testament-jokes added not meant to offend!

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101 Contradictions Old Testament-jokes added not meant to offend!

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101 Contradictions Old Testament

101 CONTRADICTIONS—Old Testament

from http://www.innvista.com/culture/religion/bible/contraot.htm

Old Testament

1.Man was created equal, male and female. Gen.1:27.
Woman was created as a companion to the man only after he rejected the animals. Gen.2:18-24.
2.Man was created after the plants. Gen.1:12, 26.
Man was created before the plants. Gen.2:5-9.
3.The birds were created out of the water. Gen.1:20.
The birds were created out of the land. Gen.2:19.
4.The animals were created before man. Gen.1:24-26.
The animals were created after man. Gen.2:19.
5.On the first day, God created and separated light and darkness. Gen.1:3-5.
On the fourth day, God again created and separated light and darkness. Gen.1:14-18.
6.God encouraged reproduction. Gen.1:28.
He said it was an unclean process. Lev.12:1-8 (Note that bearing a daughter is more unclean than bearing a son).
7.God was pleased with his creation. Gen.1:31.
God was not pleased with his creation. Gen.6:6.
8.Adam was to die the day he ate the forbidden fruit. Gen.2:17.
Adam lived 930 years. Gen.5:5.
9.The name of “The Lord” was known in the beginning. Gen.4:26; Gen.12:8; Gen.22:14; Gen.26:25.
The name of “The Lord” was not known in the beginning. Ex.6:3.
10.God preferred Abel’s offering to Cain’s. Gen.4:4, 5.
God shows no partiality. 2 Chr.19:7; 2 Sam.14:14.
11.God asks Cain the whereabouts of his brother. Gen.4:9.
God goes to see what is happening. Gen.18:20, 21.
God is everywhere and sees everything. Prov.15:3; Jer.16:17; Jer.23:24.
12.It rained on the earth. Gen.7:4.
There was rain from above and below. Gen.8:2.
13.Two pairs of each kind were to be taken aboard Noah’s ark. Gen.6:19, 20; Gen.7:9, 14-16.
Two pairs and seven pairs of some kinds were to be taken aboard. Gen.7:2, 3.
14.Noah entered the ark during the Flood. Gen.7:7.
Noah entered the ark after the Flood. Gen.7:12, 13.

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15.There were many languages before the tower at Babel. Gen.10:5, 20, 31.
There was only one language before the tower at Babel. Gen.11:1.
16.Abraham married his half-sister and was blessed. Gen.11:29; Gen.17:15,16; Gen.20:11,12.
Incest is wrong. Deut.27:22; Lev. 18:9; Lev. 20:17.
17.Abraham made a covenant with Abimelech and Phichol. Gen.21:22, 27, 32.
It was Isaac who made the covenant with Abimelech and Phichol. Gen.26:26-28.
18.Hebron was the name at the time of Abraham. Gen.23:2.
Hebron was named differently. Josh.14:15.
19.Jacob’s name was changed at Peniel. Gen.32:28-30.
Jacob’s name was changed at Padanaram. Gen.35:9,10.
20.Isaac’s servants dug a well at Beer-shebah. Gen.26:32, 33.
Abraham dug a well at Beer-shebah. Gen.21:29-31.
21.Esau married two Hittite women. Gen.26:34.
Esau married three Canaanite women. Gen.36:2, 3.
22.Bashemath was a daughter of Elon the Hittite. Gen.26:34.
Bashemath was a daughter of Ishmael. Gen.36:3.
23.Luz was renamed Beth-el. Gen.28:19.
Luz was a different place than Beth-el. Josh.16:2.
24.God renamed Jacob and called him Israel. Gen.35:10.
God forgot the new name. Gen.46:2.
25.Eliphaz had six sons. Gen.36:11,12.
Eliphaz had seven sons. Gen.36:15,16. Eliphaz had seven different sons. 1 Chr.1:36.
26.Dan had one son. Gen.46:23.
Amazingly, this one son produced over 62,000 military-age males by the first census. Num.1:38,39.

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27.Moses married a Midianite. Ex.3:1.
Moses married an Ethiopian. Num.12:1.
28.All the beasts died in plague number six. Ex.9:6.
All the beasts received boils in plague number seven. Ex.9:10.
All the beasts were hit with hail and fire in plague number eight. Ex.9:25.
All the beasts lost their firstborn in plague number ten. Ex.12:29.
29.All the plant life was destroyed by hail. Ex.9:25.
All the plant life was destroyed by locusts. Ex.10:15.
30.God instructs the Israelites to spoil the Egyptians and plunder their enemies. Ex.3:22; Deut.20:13-17.
God prohibits stealing or defrauding a neighbor. Lev.19:11,13.
31.Moses’ father-in-law proposed the idea of judges for the people. Ex.18:17, 24.
Moses proposed the idea of judges for the people. Deut.1:9-18.
32.Jethro was the name of Moses’ father-in-law. Ex.3:1.
Ruel was the name of Moses’ father-in-law. Ex.2:18.
Raguel was the name of Moses’ father-in-law. Num.10:29.
Hobab was the name of Moses’ father-in-law. Jud.4:11.
33.The priests were with Moses at Mount Sinai. Ex.19:22, 24.
Moses appointed the first priests later in the wilderness. Ex.28:1.
34.Moses was great. Ex.11:3.
Moses was meek. Numbers 12:3.
35.Moses was the only allowed near God. Ex.24:2.
Moses was not the only one allowed. Ex.24:9-11.
36.Moses condemned the making of an idol. Ex.32:19, 20.
Moses made an idol. Num.21:9; 2 Ki.18:4.
37.The commandments were memorably given at the beginning of the wilderness trek. Ex. 19 and 20.
The people appeared not to remember later in the wilderness. Lev.24:12; Num.15:34.
38.Moses told the people they would pass over the Jordan that day. Deut.9:1.
It was Joshua who took them over much later. Josh.1:1, 2.

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39.The number of Israelites, excluding children, was 600,000. Ex.12:37.
The number of Israelites, including children, was only 7000. 1 Ki.20:15.
40.Manna tasted like coriander seed and honey. Ex.16:31.
Manna tasted like fresh oil. Num.11:8.
41.The Sabbath Day was to remember creation. Ex.20:11; Ex. 31:17.
The Sabbath Day was to remember the sojourn in Egypt. Deut.5:15.
42.God details sacrificial offerings. Ex.20:24; Ex.29:10-42; Lev.1:1-17; Num.28:1-31.
God says he did not order sacrifices. Jer.7:22.
43.The Book of Jasher was written at the time of Joshua. Josh.10:13.
The Book of Jasher was written at the time of David. 2 Sam.1:17,18.
44.The Israelites were a numerous and mighty people. Ex.1:8, 9.
The Israelites were few in number. Deut.7:7.
45.The Israelites had plenty of water to wash their clothes for purification. Ex.19:10.
The Israelites had no water and rioted for a drink. Ex.15:22-24.
46.God was with the people. Ex.3:12.
God was not with the people. Ex.33:3.
47.Aaron died on Mt. Hor. Num.20:27, 28; 33:38,39.
Aaron died at Mosera. Deut.10:6.
48.After Aaron’s death, the people journeyed from Mt. Hor to Zalmonah to Punon etc. Num.33:41, 42.
After Aaron’s death, the people journeyed from Mosera to Gudgodah to Jotbath. Deut.10:6, 7.

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49.The Canaanites were utterly destroyed. Num.21:3.
The Canaanites were left to trouble the Israelites for years. Jud.3:1,2.

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50.Stones were taken out of the Jordan River. Josh.4:3.
Stones were placed in the Jordan River. Josh.4:9.
51.The Nazarite vow is broken if one goes near a dead body. Numb.6:6-9.
Sampson, a Nazarite, apparently did not break this vow. Jud.13:5; 15:8,15,16; 16:17.
52.Samuel ministered to the “Lord”. 1 Sam.3:1.
Samuel did not know the “Lord”. 1 Sam.3:7.
53.David killed Goliath. 1 Sam.17:49,50.
Elhanan killed Goliath. 2 Sam.21:19-21. (Notice that the phrase “the brother of” has been added).

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54.”God” caused David to number the people. 2 Sam.24:1.
“Satan” caused David to number the people. 1 Chr.21:1.
55.Saul utterly destroyed the Amalekites. 1 Sam.15:20.
David utterly destroyed the Amalekites. 1 Sam.27:8, 9.
David destroyed the Amalekites – again – almost. 1 Sam.30:1,17,18.
56.God chose Saul to save the people from the Philistines. 1 Sam.9:15-17.
Saul dies and the Philistines overrun the Israelites. 1 Sam.31:6, 7.
57.God chose Saul. 1 Sam.9:16.
God repents for choosing Saul. 1 Sam.15:35.
God doesn’t need to repent. Num. 23:19.
58.Saul inquired of God but received no answer. 1 Sam.28:6.
Saul died for not inquiring. 1 Chr.10:13, 14.
59.Saul killed himself. 1 Sam.31:4; 1 Chr. 10:4, 5.
Someone killed Saul. 2 Sam.1:5-10.
The Philistines killed Saul. 2 Sam.21:12.
God killed Saul. 1 Chr.10:13,14.
60.Jesse had eight sons. 1 Sam.16:10, 11; 1 Sam.17:12.
Jesse had seven sons. 1 Chr.2:13-15.
61.Saul knew David before the encounter with Goliath. 1 Sam.16:19.
Saul did not know David until after the encounter with Goliath. 1 Sam.17:55-58.
62.Michal was childless. 2 Sam.6:r23.
Michal had five sons. 2 Sam.21:8.

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63.David sinned in taking the census. 2 Sam.24:10,25.
David’s only sin, ever, was another matter. 1 Ki.15:5.
64.David paid 50 pieces of silver for the property. 2 Sam.24:24.
David paid 600 pieces of gold for the property. 1 Chr.21:25.
65.His name was Solomon. 2 Sam.12:24; 1 Chr.22:9.
His name was Jedidiah. 2 Sam.12:25.
66.Solomon had 40,000 stalls of horses. 1 Ki.4:26.
Solomon had 4,000 stalls of horses. 2 Chr.9:25.
67.Solomon had 3300 supervisors. 1 Ki.5:16.
Solomon had 3600 supervisors. 2 Chr.2:2.
68.Solomon’s “molten sea” held 2000 “baths”. 1 Ki.7:26.
Solomon’s “molten sea” held 3000 “baths”. 2 Chr.4:5.
69.Solomon had thousands of horses. 1 Ki.4:26.
A King must not multiply horses to himself. Deut.17:15,16.
70.Solomon had hundreds of wives. 1 Ki.11:1-3.
A King must not multiply wives to himself. Deut.17:17.
71.There was no greater king before or after Hezekiah. 2 Ki.18:1, 5.
There was no greater king before or after Josiah. 2 Ki.23:24, 25.
72.Ahaziah was twenty-two years old when he began to reign. 2 Ki.8:26.
Ahaziah succeeded his father, who was thirty-two years old when he became king and who ruled for eight years. 2 Chr.21;20.
He was forty-two years old when he began to reign. 2 Chr.22:2. (Note that some versions have caught the error and corrected it.)
73.God prohibits the making of idols. Ex.20:4; Deut.5:8, 9.
God commands idols to be made. Ex.25:18; Num.21:8, 9.
74.Children are to suffer for their parent’s sins. Ex.20:5; Ex.34:7; Num.14:18; Deut.5:9; Is.14:21.
Children are not to suffer for their parent’s sins. Deut.24:16; Ezek.18:19,20.
75.God prohibits the killing of the innocent. Ex.23:7.
God approves the killing of the innocent. Num.31:17; Josh.6:21; Josh.7:24-26; Josh.8:22-25; Josh.10:20, 40; Josh.11:15; 1 Sam.15:3.
76.God inflicts sickness. Num.11:33; 2 Chr.21:14, 15.
Satan inflicts sickness. Job 2:7.
77.Death to a false prophet. Deut.18:20.

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Death also to a real prophet deceived by “God”. Ezek.14:9.
78.God remembers sin even when it has been forgiven. Ex.34:7.
God does not remember sin after it has been forgiven. Jer.31:34.
79.God promised the land to the people. Ex.12:25.
God broke his promise. Num.14:30, 31.
80.Sisera was sleeping when Jael killed him. Jud.4:21.
Sisera was standing and apparently, allowed Jael to kill him. Jud.5:25-27.
81.Joshua captured Debir. Josh.10:38,39.
Othniel captured Debir. Jud.1:11-13.
82.God sows discord. Gen.11:7-9.
God hates those who cause discord. Prov.6:16-19.
83.The census count was: Israel 800,000 and Judah 500,000. 2 Sam.24:9.
The census count was: Israel 1,100,000 and Judah 470,000. 1 Chr.21:5.
84.The two pillars were 18 cubits high. 1 Ki.7:15.
The two pillars were 35 cubits high. 2 Chr.3:15.
85.420 talents of gold were brought back from Ophir. 1 Ki.9:28.
450 talents of gold were brought back from Ophir. 2 Chr.8:18.
86.Asa removed the high places. 2 Chr.14:2, 3.
Asa did not remove the high places. 1 Ki.15:14.
87.Baasha died in the 26tth year of King Asa’s reign. 1 Ki.16:6-8.
Baasha built a city in the 36th year of King Asa’s reign. 2 Chr.16:1.
88.Jehoshaphat did not remove the high places. 1 Ki.22:42, 43.
Jehoshaphat did remove the high places. 2 Chr.17:5, 6.
89.Jehu’s massacre was acceptable to God. 2 Ki.10:30.
Jehu’s massacre was not acceptable to God. Hos.1:4.
90.Jehu shot Ahaziah near Ibleam. Ahaziah then fled to Meggido and died there. 2 Ki.9:27.
Ahaziah was found hiding in Samaria, brought to Jehu, and was then put to death. 2 Chr.22:9.
91.Ahaz was not conquered. 2 Ki.165.
Ahaz was conquered. 2 Chr.28:5.

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92.Jehoiachin was 18 years old when he began to reign. 2 Ki.24:8.
Jehoiachin was 8 years old when he began to reign. 2 Chr.36:9. (Some versions have corrected this)
93.Jehoiachin reigned 3 months. 2 Ki.24:8.
Jehoiachin reigned 3 months and 10 days. 2 Chr.36:9.
94.Jehoiachin was succeeded by his uncle. 2 Ki.24:17.
Jehoiachin was succeeded by his brother. 2 Chr.36:10.
95.The father of Zerubbabel was Pedaiah. 1 Chr.3:19.
The father of Zerubbabel was Shealtiel. Ezr.3:2.
96.God is near to all who call on him. Ps.145:18.
God is far away and cannot be found in times of need. Ps.10:1.
97.God sometimes forsakes his children. Ps.22:1, 2.
God is always a present help. Ps.46:1.
98.The righteous shall rejoice when he sees vengeance. Ps.58:10, 11.
Do not rejoice when your enemy falls or stumbles. Prov.24:17.
99.God stands to judge. Is.3:13.
God sits to judge. Joel 3:12.
100.Zedekiah watched his sons be put to death, then he had his eyes put out, and was left to die in prison. Jer.52:10, 11.
God promised Zedekiah a peaceful death. Jer.34:4, 5.
101.Omri reigned 12 years beginning in the 31st year of Asa’s reign. 1 Ki.16:23.
Omri died and his son began his reign in the 38th year of Asa’s reign, making Omri’s reign only 7-years. 1 Ki.16:28, 29.

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About hobo hippie

Hi I am an old hippie, a "beat" poet and novelist, and digital artist. I was co -editor and publisher of "Alpha Beat Press" alpha beat soup, bouillabaisse and cokefish and cokefishing in alpha beat soup with my late husband Dave Christy. My novel "eeenie meenie minee moe is for sale on amazon books. my other blogs are http://tilliespuncturedromance.wordpress.com about humor and the weird. The blog is named after a Charlie Chaplin movie. http://concretebologna.wordpress.com a blog about world art.

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