My first Poetry Reading and Courage:The “C” In The Creative Personality

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Anxiety And The Creative Personality:The Good, Bad And The Ugly

Overcoming Anxiety

My very first poetry reading was at Saint Mark’s Church in N.Y.C I was nervous but it went alright.
As I continued to do readings my fear grew. At times it was overwhelming,and make me a total wreck. I began drinking port and smoking post. That didn’t help!
Even if the audience was receptive or I had a sell out, nothing helped. The reviews was always good-no one noticed what I was going through!
my worst poetry reading was at The Green Mill Tavern in Chicago. (Capone’s hangout) I had been invited, paid $100 and flyers were handed out. Little did I know it was an evening of “performance” poetry, and I am definitely not that kind of poet.
I got up on stage and started to read, there was silence then “boos” that got louder and louder. I stopped, looking out into the audience and yelled “FUCK YOU ALL”. My husband who was out there somewhere clapped louder and louder. He grabbed my hand and lead me off the stage. We left. He told me how proud he was of me. Suddenly my anger was gone, and I laughed till I cried.
This fear of the audience remained with me throughout my poetry career. I never overcame it.
After 3 tours of the U.S. and Europe, many of the readings  went very well, I was well received. I had a sell-out crowd in “Carla’s” in my hometown of New Hope PA.** and no one noticed my shaking knees! but I felt my pounding heart and it was coming out of my chest, Not good!
I switched to radio shows, taping and doing internet shows with Dave-I  was fine without an audience.  The only times I read my poetry from that time on was when Dave and I had poetry parties, I felt at ease with my friends,  the pressure was gone. I was so glad not to be in front of an audience. What a relief!.
**At Carla’s I read a poem about a vigilante cop that walked up and down Main Street, the news got to him. The next day Dave an I had 7 Allentown State police with guns drawn pounding at our door. They pushed their way in with a search warrant for pot. They threw Dave own on the floor and searched him, all they found was a small quantity of marijuana. The cops ignored a film canister containing acid in the front of the freezer. It was apparent they were not there for drugs, Then they proceeded to videotape the posters on our wall,go through our documents, and take personal photos. They questioned us as to why we were living in New Hope,what was our purpose etc etc. We answered that New Hope was an artist’s town and had been since the 40’s. Abbie Hoffman had hid out from the cops on a local chicken farm. This town had it’s share of controversy. We were members of the poetry underground,publishing poetry and books. We were involved in “the small press” The big bad cops stayed for 3 hours after tearing our place apart. Then they left warning us not to tell anyone! What a farce,but a terrifying time anyway!
Courage:The “C” In The Creative Personality

creative personality

Henri Matisse’s simple statement on the creative personality is powerful and complex. It does take courage living with uncertainties and hoping for possibilities. We spend our days sharpening skills taking classes, training, staying in loop, and getting ready for the moment lady luck knocks at our door. Yes true grit, selecting a career where worth and professional success are based upon  others’ opinions who may or may not have more skill and talent.
Don’t we sound GREAT?

Creative Characteristics`

We’re what dreams are made of!
Here comes the “but”….

Characteristics of a Creative Mind: Anxiety and Stress

Living a creative life sounds exhilarating and it is; when is good it’s great when it’s bad well…you’ve read the stories of troubled artists and the depths of their depression. Theanxiety, stress and phobias stem from of the creative process can bring the most successful to their knees unable to cope or manage the smallest bump in the road.The stakes are high in creative fields, your uniqueness, individuality your entire self is defined by what and how much you create. It’s one thing to be the “that funny entering friend” and another thing to be the “nailed the audition, got the job, can pay the rent guy” and the more you have vested in  a situations outcome the higher the anxiety. Performing artists’ live in a nameless field of the unknown, with no guarantees of success; yet success is only an audition or connection away. Worrying feeling edgy, preoccupied with the future are all part of the creative process.

100 Coping Skills for Anxiety

My mission at Haartfelt.com is to teach performing artists’ that who they are and what they do matters, not only to them but the world. However being influential requires new learning for most of you creative types. You’ll have to learn to live by a new paradigm, surrendering the fear of feeling uncomfortable; stopping all the resistance to feeling” bad”. By surrendering the fear of feeling “uncomfortable”, you can begin accepting all feelings as unique ingredients making up the creative personality.

Welcome To Haartfelt!

Pamela

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