Famous funny, dumb and stupid celebrity quotes:

«Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.» – Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign. One of the worst celebrity quotes ever.

«If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.» – Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

«So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?» — Christina Aguilera

• «Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything.»
  – Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel
• «I’m convinced the Beatles are partly responsible for the fall of Communism.»
  – Milos Forman, Film director
• «When I’m a blonde, I can say the world is purple, and they’ll believe me because they weren’t listening to me.»
  – Kylie Bax, Model/Actress, in Stuff magazine.
• «The internet is a great way to get on the net.»
  – Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate
• «You guys, line up alphabetically by height.»
  – Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
• «I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.»
  – Britney Spears, on Blender Magazine (April 2004)
• «I think war is a dangerous place.»
  – George W. Bush, Washington, D.C. (May 7, 2003)
• «I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.»
  – Greg Norman, Golfer
• «It’s nice, it gives you a feeling of security so that if something breaks we know we can always call a guy over and he’ll bring a drill or something.»
  – Brooke Shields, Actress, on why it was is good to live in a co-ed dormitory when she was in college
• «Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself.»
  – Gyrator, Chicago Rotary Club journal
• «These people haven’t seen the last of my face. If I go down, I’m going down standing up.»
  – Chuck Person, NBA Basketball player
• «I’m so smart now. Everyone’s always like ‘take your top off’. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I’m not stupid.»
  – Paris Hilton (December 2003)

  «I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman» – Arnold Schwarzenegger

  «Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.» – Mariah Carey, pop singer

  «Predictions are difficult. Especially about the future.» – Yogi Berra, Baseball player

• «My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.»
  – Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice.
• «The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century.»
  – Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
• «And now the sequence of events in no particular order.»
  – Dan Rather, television news anchor
• «Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods.»
  – George W Bush, Austin, Texas, Dec. 20, 2000
• «The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.»
  – Dizzy Dean, explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.
• «I was in a no-win situation, so I’m glad that I won rather than lost.»
  – Frank Bruno, Boxer
• «I have opinions of my own –strong opinions– but I don’t always agree with them.»
  – George Bush
• «I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.»
  – George Rogers, NFL New Orleans Saint RB, when asked about the upcoming season
• «I do not like this word “bomb.” It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding.»
  – Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons
• «The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.»
  – Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst
• «Half this game is ninety percent mental.»
  – Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager
• «Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it.»
  – Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, ordering a salad at a restaurant.

  «If I sold all my liabilities, I wouldn’t own anything. My wife’s a liability, my kids are liabilities, and I haven’t sold them.» – Ted Turner, media mogul, on selling off his money losing properties

  «They misunderestimated me.» – George W Bush, Bentonville, Ark., (Nov. 6, 2000)

  «I don’t diet. I just don’t eat as much as I’d like to.» – Linda Evangelista, Supermodel

• «Facts are stupid things.»
  – Ronald Reagan, Former U.S. President
• «What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.»
  – Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
• «That’s just the tip of the ice cube.»
  – Neil Hamilton, BBC2
• «A bachelor’s life is no life for a single man.»
  – Samuel Goldwyn
• «I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.»
  – Terry Bradshaw, Former football player/announcer
• «It isn’t pollution that is hurting the environment, it’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.»
  – Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
• «I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.»
  – Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
• «The only happy artist is a dead artist, because only then you can’t change. After I die, I’ll probably come back as a paintbrush.»
  – Sylvestor Stallone, Actor
• «Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.»
  – Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
• «We are not ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.»
  – Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
• «Will the highways on the internet become more few?»
  – George W Bush, Concord, New Hampshire, (29th January 2000)
• «Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.»
  – Keppel Enderbery, Former Australian cabinet minister

  «There is certainly more in the future now than back in 1964.» – Roger Daltrey, Singer/Actor

  «We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.» – Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

  «I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.» — Britney Spears

• «Pitching is 80% of the game. The other half is hitting and fielding.»
  – Mickey Rivers, baseball player
• «I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.»
  – Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
• «Put the ‘off’ button on.»
  – George W. Bush, Associated Press, 14th February 2000
• «So Carol, you’re a housewife and mother. And have you got any children?»
  – Michael Barrymore
• «Food is an important part of a balanced diet.»
  – Fran Lebowitz, US writer
• «We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?»
  – Lee Iacocca, Chairman of the Chrysler corporation
• «For NASA, space is still a high priority.»
  – Dan Quayle
• «He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.»
  – Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer
• «If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.»
  – George Gobel
• «If only faces could talk…»
  – Pat Summerall, Sportscaster, during the Super Bowl
• «Every minute was more exciting than the next.»
  – Linda Evans, actress
• «I’m not anorexic. I’m from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I’ve never heard of one. And that includes me.»
  — Jessica Simpson