Category Archives: humorous

very cool-the best of Zach King

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#zach_king#humor#video#ana_christy#beatnikhiway.com

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handy Latin phrases

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Handy Latin Phrases

Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.
It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.

Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!

Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?

Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
The designated hitter rule has got to go.

Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
If Caesar were alive, you’d be chained to an oar.

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

(At a barbeque)
Animadvertistine, ubicumque stes, fumum recta in faciem ferri?
Ever noticed how wherever you stand, the smoke goes right into your face?

More Useful Latin

Sona si Latine loqueris.
Honk if you speak Latin.

Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes
If you can read this you’re over-educated

Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.

Vidi Vici Veni
I saw, I conquered, I came

Vacca foeda
Stupid cow

Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi.
Excuse me. I’ve got to see a man about a dog.

Raptus regaliter
Royally screwed

Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinus alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes!
If you can read this sign, you can get a good job in the fast-paced, high-paying world of Latin!

Gramen artificiosum odi.
I hate Astroturf.

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
I’m not interested in your dopey religious cult.

Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.
Don’t call me, I’ll call you.

Nullo metro compositum est.
It doesn’t rhyme.

Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
I don’t care. If it doesn’t rhyme, it isn’t a poem.

Fac ut gaudeam.
Make my day.

Braccae illae virides cum subucula rosea et tunica Caledonia-quam elenganter concinnatur!
Those green pants go so well with that pink shirt and the plaid jacket!

Visne saltare? Viam Latam Fungosam scio.
Do you want to dance? I know the Funky Broadway.

Re vera, potas bene.
Say, you sure are drinking a lot.

Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!
May barbarians invade your personal space!

Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant!
May conspirators assassinate you in the mall!

Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant!
May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy!

Radix lecti
Couch potato

Quo signo nata es?
What’s your sign?

O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!
Oh! More! Go on! Yes! Ooh! Ummm!

Mellita, domi adsum.
Honey, I’m home.

Tam exanimis quam tunica nehru fio.
I am as dead as the nehru jacket.

Ventis secundis, tene cursum.
Go with the flow.

Totum dependeat.
Let it all hang out.

Te precor dulcissime supplex!
Pretty please with a cherry on top!

Magister Mundi sum!
I am the Master of the Universe!

Fac me cocleario vomere!
Gag me with a spoon!

Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
I can’t hear you. I have a banana in my ear.

Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?

Prehende uxorem meam, sis!
Take my wife, please!

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Nihil est–in vita priore ego imperator Romanus fui.
That’s nothing–in a previous life I was a Roman Emperor.

Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem!
Stand aside plebians! I am on imperial business.

Vescere bracis meis.
Eat my shorts.

Sic faciunt omnes.
Everyone is doing it.

Fac ut vivas.
Get a life.

Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!
Let’s all wear mood rings!

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A GOAT GAZES INTO YOUR EYES

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Goats and Soda#goats

 

20 One Liners That Are ACTUALLY Good

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20 One Liners That Are ACTUALLY Good

on 1 June, 2016 at 3:16 pm

We’re too good for knock knock jokes, but sometimes nothing beats a great one liner. I guarantee you, at least one of these will make you laugh. If you’re a dad looking to restock on new material or someone just looking for some cheering up these one liners will see you through. This list is populated from the best one-liners from this Reddit thread. Check out the entire thread for some more gems that didn’t quite make the cut.

1. I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.

2. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice

3. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off

4. My teacher accused me of plagiarism. His words, not mine.

5. What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?About half way.

6. A man in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard..

7. I, for one, like Roman numerals.

8. Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.

9. Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.

10. There is no “i” in denial

11. I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.

12. You’re not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.

13. What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.

14. You can never lose a homing pigeon – if your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you’ve lost is a pigeon.

15. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints.

16. I didn’t believe my dad was a construction site thief until I got home. All the signs were there.

17. And The Lord said come forth and receive eternal life. But john came fifth and won a toaster.

18. I have a stepladder, because my real ladder left when I was a kid.

19. Why are deer nuts better than beer nuts? Beer nuts cost $1.50 but deer nuts are under a buck.

20. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither, the rooster did

Mexicans torch Donald Trump effigy during annual Easter eve celebrations Donald Trump effigy Mexicans set fire to an effigy of Donald Trump on March 26, 2016, in Mexico City during Holy Week celebrations. For many years, Mexicans have made cardboard figures representing all forms of evil, which are then torched to commemorate the “Burning of Judas,” a tradition in which Mexicans torch effigies of the devil, politicians and others they dislike on the eve of Easter Sunday. (Yuri Cortez, AFP/Getty Images) Joshua Partlow The Washington Post Who would you build if you had to make a monster of mythical proportions? An evil equal to a biblical scourge? A traitor to be burned in effigy whose fiery demise would cleanse our corrupted souls? In Mexico, that would be Donald J. Trump. (J for Judas?) Or at least a 10-foot-tall papier-mache version of him: eyes wide, mouth agape, with painted-on business suit and golden mane. On Saturday night, just as every year on the day before Easter, Mexicans gathered on street corners and church squares to celebrate the Holy Week and set fire to their Judases, a popular ritual in this heavily Catholic country. Those demons are typically forked-tongue devils and flaming dragons, and often reviled politicians. “For Latinos here and in the U.S., he’s a danger, a real threat,” said Leonardo Linares, a 52-year-old artist who built a Trump effigy over the past week in his Mexico City studio. “He’s a good man to burn as a Judas.” Promoted stories from PoliticsChatter.com Saturday Night Live’s best parodies of politicians Photos: The White House Easter Egg Roll throughout the years 14 things to know about FOX News anchor Megyn Kelly Linares, a jolly craftsman in paint-splattered clothes, presided over this block party that attracted hundreds of revelers, with kids chasing cotton candy wisps and pitched funny-foam battles. Linares and his relatives, who have been running this show for decades, chose the order of the Judas burnings, beginning with diminutive devils and wee minions and moving to the big dogs: President Barack Obama with a cigar in his mouth and a Cuban flag, a black-clad Islamic State fighter with a Kalashnikov and the grand Trumpian finale. Donald Trump effigy Mexicans prepare to set fire to an effigy depicting Donald Trump during Holy Week celebrations in Mexico City on March 26, 2016. (Yuri Cortez, AFP/Getty Images) The ceremonies take place across Mexico, a symbolic way to destroy evil before Easter. Santa Rosa Xochiac, a hillside neighborhood to the southwest of the capital, has become one of the popular Judas torching spots. More than a dozen groups of people spend months building their effigies, then parade them through the streets before rigging them with fireworks and sparklers and setting them ablaze. “Mostly it’s devils, monsters,” said Ricardo Sanchez, a 27-year-old mechanic as he put the finishing touches on 20-foot tall dragon. “One year we burned Osama bin Laden.” Mexicans take special pleasure in skewering Trump, the front-running Republican candidate who has threatened to deport millions of Mexicans and claims he’ll build a giant wall across the United States’ southern border and have Mexico pay for it. Since he launched his campaign last summer calling them “rapists” and “criminals,” Mexicans have fired back with a variety of satires. A pair of comedians put on a play, “The Sons of Trump,” featuring greedy villains bumbling around in blond wigs. Trump’s likeness has been crafted into pinatas and bashed, digitized into a video game character and pegged with tomatoes. His name is the brunt of folk song jokes. Trump wants to build a wall on the U.S.-Mexico border. Can it be done? Trump wants to build a wall on the U.S.-Mexico border. Can it be done? There has also been more earnest criticism, from former Mexican presidents and current senior government officials, who have warned that Trump’s xenophobic rhetoric is damaging relations between the two countries. “He’s crazy,” said Alberto Rueda, a 30-year-old shopkeeper who attended the Trump burning in the La Merced neighborhood. “His ideas are not the solution, on the contrary. If he builds a wall, people will build tunnels.” Linares, who has been building burnable Judases since he was a boy, has traveled extensively in the U.S., including Washington and New York, showing his art. Making giant paper dolls has been a family business for decades, he said, and he’s reduced many politicians to ashes over the years. Former President Carlos Salinas is a fan favorite, he said, along with corrupt former Mexico City police Chief Arturo Durazo. His was not the only Trump on display. Fernando Padilla, 33, a neighbor, built a likeness of a Mexican drug lord riding an airplane while carrying Trump’s severed head in his hand. “Latinos have contributed a lot to the United States,” Linares said. “Trump’s a buffoon. With him as president, the U.S. will lose a lot of credibility in the world.” Donald Trump and the ‘affluenza’ crisis at Emory Donald Trump and the ‘affluenza’ crisis at Emory The mood on the street was a mix of neighborhood festival and war zone, with showering sparks, gigantic firework blasts that knocked people down, the whole street cloaked in a gunpowder haze. The dolls seemed to stay in character. The Islamic State fighter exploded his payload in one chaotic blast; Obama’s fuse was lit repeatedly but refused to blow. When it came time for the climax, Trump went slowly, gruesomely, one leg blasting off, then the other, as the by-then boozy crowd chanted “Death! Death!” When his blond head exploded, there were thunderous cheers. Linares looked spent as he surveyed the carnage. “We’re satisfied,” he said. “The people liked it.” Copyright © 2016, Chicago Tribune Mexico Donald Trump

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 Mexicans torch Donald Trump effigy during annual Easter eve celebrations
Joshua PartlowThe Washington Post

Who would you build if you had to make a monster of mythical proportions? An evil equal to a biblical scourge? A traitor to be burned in effigy whose fiery demise would cleanse our corrupted souls?

In Mexico, that would be Donald J. Trump. (J for Judas?)

Or at least a 10-foot-tall papier-mache version of him: eyes wide, mouth agape, with painted-on business suit and golden mane. On Saturday night, just as every year on the day before Easter, Mexicans gathered on street corners and church squares to celebrate the Holy Week and set fire to their Judases, a popular ritual in this heavily Catholic country. Those demons are typically forked-tongue devils and flaming dragons, and often reviled politicians.

“For Latinos here and in the U.S., he’s a danger, a real threat,” said Leonardo Linares, a 52-year-old artist who built a Trump effigy over the past week in his Mexico City studio. “He’s a good man to burn as a Judas.”

Linares, a jolly craftsman in paint-splattered clothes, presided over this block party that attracted hundreds of revelers, with kids chasing cotton candy wisps and pitched funny-foam battles. Linares and his relatives, who have been running this show for decades, chose the order of the Judas burnings, beginning with diminutive devils and wee minions and moving to the big dogs: President Barack Obama with a cigar in his mouth and a Cuban flag, a black-clad Islamic State fighter with a Kalashnikov and the grand Trumpian finale.

The ceremonies take place across Mexico, a symbolic way to destroy evil before Easter. Santa Rosa Xochiac, a hillside neighborhood to the southwest of the capital, has become one of the popular Judas torching spots. More than a dozen groups of people spend months building their effigies, then parade them through the streets before rigging them with fireworks and sparklers and setting them ablaze.

“Mostly it’s devils, monsters,” said Ricardo Sanchez, a 27-year-old mechanic as he put the finishing touches on 20-foot tall dragon. “One year we burned Osama bin Laden.”

Mexicans take special pleasure in skewering Trump, the front-running Republican candidate who has threatened to deport millions of Mexicans and claims he’ll build a giant wall across the United States’ southern border and have Mexico pay for it. Since he launched his campaign last summer calling them “rapists” and “criminals,” Mexicans have fired back with a variety of satires. A pair of comedians put on a play, “The Sons of Trump,” featuring greedy villains bumbling around in blond wigs. Trump’s likeness has been crafted into pinatas and bashed, digitized into a video game character and pegged with tomatoes. His name is the brunt of folk song jokes.

There has also been more earnest criticism, from former Mexican presidents and current senior government officials, who have warned that Trump’s xenophobic rhetoric is damaging relations between the two countries.

“He’s crazy,” said Alberto Rueda, a 30-year-old shopkeeper who attended the Trump burning in the La Merced neighborhood. “His ideas are not the solution, on the contrary. If he builds a wall, people will build tunnels.”

Linares, who has been building burnable Judases since he was a boy, has traveled extensively in the U.S., including Washington and New York, showing his art.

Making giant paper dolls has been a family business for decades, he said, and he’s reduced many politicians to ashes over the years. Former President Carlos Salinas is a fan favorite, he said, along with corrupt former Mexico City police Chief Arturo Durazo. His was not the only Trump on display. Fernando Padilla, 33, a neighbor, built a likeness of a Mexican drug lord riding an airplane while carrying Trump’s severed head in his hand.

“Latinos have contributed a lot to the United States,” Linares said. “Trump’s a buffoon. With him as president, the U.S. will lose a lot of credibility in the world.”

The mood on the street was a mix of neighborhood festival and war zone, with showering sparks, gigantic firework blasts that knocked people down, the whole street cloaked in a gunpowder haze.

The dolls seemed to stay in character. The Islamic State fighter exploded his payload in one chaotic blast; Obama’s fuse was lit repeatedly but refused to blow. When it came time for the climax, Trump went slowly, gruesomely, one leg blasting off, then the other, as the by-then boozy crowd chanted “Death! Death!” When his blond head exploded, there were thunderous cheers.

Linares looked spent as he surveyed the carnage.

“We’re satisfied,” he said. “The people liked it.”

Copyright © 2016, Chicago Tribune
  • Mexico
  • Donald Trump
  • #trump#mexico#easter#effigy#ana_christy#beatnikhiway.com#current_affairs#humor#donald_trump