Tag Archives: funny

20 One Liners That Are ACTUALLY Good

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Kennedy-Laughing

20 One Liners That Are ACTUALLY Good

on 1 June, 2016 at 3:16 pm

We’re too good for knock knock jokes, but sometimes nothing beats a great one liner. I guarantee you, at least one of these will make you laugh. If you’re a dad looking to restock on new material or someone just looking for some cheering up these one liners will see you through. This list is populated from the best one-liners from this Reddit thread. Check out the entire thread for some more gems that didn’t quite make the cut.

1. I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.

2. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice

3. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off

4. My teacher accused me of plagiarism. His words, not mine.

5. What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?About half way.

6. A man in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard..

7. I, for one, like Roman numerals.

8. Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.

9. Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.

10. There is no “i” in denial

11. I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.

12. You’re not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.

13. What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.

14. You can never lose a homing pigeon – if your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you’ve lost is a pigeon.

15. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints.

16. I didn’t believe my dad was a construction site thief until I got home. All the signs were there.

17. And The Lord said come forth and receive eternal life. But john came fifth and won a toaster.

18. I have a stepladder, because my real ladder left when I was a kid.

19. Why are deer nuts better than beer nuts? Beer nuts cost $1.50 but deer nuts are under a buck.

20. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither, the rooster did

14 Crazy Pics Of Famous Actors As Women

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14 Crazy Pics Of Famous Actors As Women

 

John S. Cow Oct 19, 2015 Humo\
Hilarious user-generated photomanipulation project seamlessly showcases how some of Hollywood’s most famous faces would look like if they were women.

#1. Daniel Watson or Emma Radcliffe

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#2. Ms McKellen

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#3. Bradley Spears

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#4. Serena Wayans

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#5. Hugh Laurie

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#6. Nicolas Cage

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#7. Samuela L. Jackson

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#8. Robert Downey

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#9. Zac Aniston

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#10. Benicio Del Jovovich

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#11. Ms. Bean

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#12. Leonardo Dicaprio

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#13. Daniel Craig

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#14. Jim Carrey

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This #Exam Is FINAL

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This Exam Is FINAL

mnht

Two guys were taking Chemistry at the University of Mississippi.  They did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, such that going into the final they had a solid “A”.  These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chemistry final was on Monday), they decided to go up to the University of Tennessee and party with some friends.

They had a great time, however, with hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Mississippi until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found their professor after the final to explain to him why they missed the final.

They told him that they went up to the University of Tennessee for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back, and didn’t have a spare, and couldn’t get help for a long time, so they were late in getting back to campus. The professor thought this over and told them they could make up the final on the following day.  The two guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day for the final.

The professor placed them in separate rooms, and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin.  They looked at the first problem, which was worth 5 points.  It was something simple about Molarity & Solutions.

“Cool ,” they thought.  “This is going to be easy.”  They did that problem and then turned the page.

They were not prepared, however, for what they saw on this page. It said: (95 Points).  Which tire?