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51 Genius Quotes That Prove George Carlin Was A Modern Philosopher

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1 Genius Quotes That Prove George Carlin Was A Modern Philosopher

Nico Lang 0 Comments
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In many ways, the comedian has the ability to be the philosopher of our era, a social critic and theorist whose words have the ability to shape public thought. As we saw from my piece on Louis C.K. a few weeks ago, comedy — at its best — pushes our buttons and challenges our ways of thinking. To me, no person is a better example of that than George Carlin, a savage satirist and brilliant thinker who was just as much of a writer and a philosopher as he was a comedian. His medium was stand-up, but he touched on issues of race, class, politics and American life — saying the kinds of things no one else dared.

Carlin got famous for his bit about the “words you can’t say on television,” but his legacy speaks of so much more, wisdom and wit that deserve to live on through the ages. Here are 51 quotes from the late comedian that show him at his best — hilarious, irascible and never satisfied with the state of society.

  1. I don’t have pet peeves. I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.
  2. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
  3. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
  4. And what can we do to silence these Christian athletes who thank Jesus whenever they win, never mention his name when they lose? Not a word. You never hear them say “Jesus made me drop the ball.” “The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.” According to these guys Jesus is undefeated, meanwhile these assholes are in last place. Must be another one of those “miracles.”
  5. The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
  6. It’s the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin’ different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That’s our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
  7. Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?”
  8. How can [God] be perfect? Everything He ever makes dies.”
  9. If you take five white guys and put ’em with five black guys, and let ’em hang around together for about a month, and at the end of the month, you’ll notice that the white guys are walking and talking and standing like the black guys do. You’ll never see the black guys going, “Oh, golly! We won the big game today, yes sir!” But you’ll see guys with red hair named Duffy going, “What’s happenin’?”
  10. Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.
  11. Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
  12. Here’s another question I have: How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelet? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen; that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we’re better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? Because chickens are decent people. You don’t see chickens hanging around in drug gangs, do you? No. You don’t see a chicken strapping some guy to a chair and hooking up his nuts to a car battery, do you? When’s the last chicken you heard about came home from work and beat the shit out of his hen, huh? Doesn’t happen. Because chickens are decent people.
  13. People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.
  14. Electricity is really just organized lightning.
  15. We’re so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody’s going to save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. And the supreme arrogance? Save the planet! Are these people kidding? Save the planet? We don’t even know how to take care of ourselves; we haven’t learned how to care for one another. We’re gonna save the fuckin’ planet? And, by the way, there’s nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. The planet is fine. The people are fucked! Compared with the people, the planet is doin’ great. It’s been here over four billion years The planet isn’t goin’ anywhere, folks. We are! We’re goin’ away. Pack your shit, we’re goin’ away. And we won’t leave much of a trace. Thank God for that. Nothing left. Maybe a little Styrofoam. The planet will be here, and we’ll be gone. Another failed mutation, another closed-end biological mistake.
  16. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
  17. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and He needs money.
  18. The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
  19. Catholics and other Christians are against abortions and they’re against homosexuals. Well who has less abortions than homosexuals? Leave these fucking people alone for Christ’s sake. Here is an entire class of people guaranteed never to have an abortion and the Catholics and the Christians are just tossing them aside. You’d think they’d make natural allies. Go look for consistency in religion.
  20. If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.
  21. Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.
  22. So about 80 years after the Constitution is ratified, the slaves are freed. Not so you’d really notice it of course; just kinda on paper. And that of course was at the end of the Civil War. Now there is another phrase I dearly love. That is a true oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one: “Civil War.” Do you think anybody in this country could ever really have a civil war? “Say, pardon me?” (shoots gun) “I’m awfully sorry. Awfully sorry.”
  23. When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat.
  24. So maybe it’s not the politicians who suck; maybe it’s something else. Like the public. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: “The public sucks. Elect me.” Put the blame where it belongs: on the people. Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? Where are these people hiding? The truth is, we don’t have people like that. Everyone’s at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. And complaining about the politicians.
  25. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
  26. I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
  27. I don’t like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists. I often warn people: “Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, ‘There is no “I” in team.’ What you should tell them is, ‘Maybe not. But there is an “I” in independence, individuality and integrity.’” Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name. If they say, “We’re the So-and-Sos,” take a walk. And if, somehow, you must join, if it’s unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. But don’t participate; it will be your death. And if they tell you you’re not a team player, congratulate them on being observant.
  28. They say rather than cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. They don’t mention anything about cursing a lack of candles.
  29. Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren’t they? They’re all in favor of the unborn. They will do anything for the unborn. But once you’re born, you’re on your own. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don’t want to know about you. They don’t want to hear from you. No nothing. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you’re preborn, you’re fine; if you’re preschool, you’re fucked.
  30. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, “Why not?” Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that shit.
  31. I don’t understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal. Fucking is legal. Why isn’t selling fucking legal? You know, why should it be illegal to sell something that’s perfectly legal to give away? I can’t follow the logic on that one at all! Of all the things you can do, giving someone an orgasm is hardly the worst thing in the world. In the army they give you a medal for spraying napalm on people. In civilian life you go to jail for giving someone an orgasm.
  32. Comedy is filled with surprise, so when I cross a line, I like to find out where the line might be and then cross it deliberately, and then make the audience happy about crossing the line with me.
  33. There are over seventeen thousand golf courses in America, they average over one hundred and fifty acres a piece. That’s three million plus acres, four thousand, eight hundred and twenty square miles. You could build two Rhode Islands and a Delaware for the homeless on the land currently being wasted on this meaningless, mindless, arrogant, elitist, racist, there’s another thing; the only blacks you’ll find at country clubs are carrying trays. And a boring game. A boring game for boring people. You ever watch golf on television? It’s like watching flies fuck!
  34. I am perfectly willing to share the room with a fly, as long as he is patrolling that portion of the room I don’t occupy. But if he starts that smart-ass fly shit, buzzing my head and repeatedly landing on my arm, he is engaging in high-risk behavior.
  35. And you might have noticed something else. The sanctity of life doesn’t seem to apply to cancer cells, does it? You rarely see a bumper sticker that says: “Save the tumors.” Or “I brake for advanced melanoma.” No, viruses, mold, mildew, maggots, fungus, weeds, E. Coli bacteria, the crabs. Nothing sacred about those things. So at best the sanctity of life is kind of a selective thing. We get to choose which forms of life we feel are sacred, and we get to kill the rest. Pretty neat deal, huh? You know how we got it? We made the whole fucking thing up!
  36. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
  37. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
  38. When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
  39. Here’s some bumper stickers I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.” “We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers’ attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters.” “We have a daughter in public school who hasn’t been knocked up yet.” “We have a son in public school who hasn’t shot any of his classmates yet. But he does sell drugs to your honor student. Plus he knocked up your daughter.” “We are the embarrassed parents of a cross-eyed little nit-wit who at the age of ten not only continues to wet the bed but also shits on the school bus.”
  40. People are fucking nuts. This country is full of nitwits and assholes. You ever notice that? Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. And they all vote. In fact, sometimes you get the impression that they’re the only ones who vote.
  41. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
  42. Rights aren’t rights if someone can take them away. They’re privileges. That’s all we’ve ever had in this country, is a bill of temporary privileges. And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year the list gets shorter and shorter. You see all, sooner or later. Sooner or later, the people in this country are gonna realize the government does not give a fuck about them! The government doesn’t care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. It simply does not give a fuck about you! It’s interested in its own power. That’s the only thing. Keeping it and expanding it wherever possible.
  43. The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
  44. When it comes to God’s existence, I’m not an atheist and I’m not an agnostic. I’m an acrostic: the whole thing puzzles me.
  45. The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice.
  46. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
  47. Let me get a sip of water here…you figure this stuff is safe to drink? Actually, I don’t care, I drink it anyway. You know why? Because I’m an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water. I’m a loyal American and I’m not happy unless I let government and industry poison me a little bit every day.
  48. Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
  49. Religion is nothing but mind control. Religion is just trying to control your mind, control your thoughts, so they’re gonna tell you some things you shouldn’t say because they’re…sins. And besides telling you things you shouldn’t say, religion is gonna suggest some things that you ought to be saying; “Here’s something you ought to say first thing when you wake up in the morning; here’s something you ought to say just before you go to sleep at night; here’s something we always say on the third Wednesday in April after the first full moon in spring at 4 o’clock when the bells ring.” Religion is always suggesting things you ought to be saying.
  50. I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don’t believe anything the government tells me. […] I look at war a little bit differently. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! OK? Simple thing. That’s all it is. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. That’s what all that asshole jock bullshit is all about. That’s what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. It’s called “dick fear!” Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! You don’t have to be a historian or a political scientist to see the bigger-dick foreign policy at work. It sounds like this: “What, they have bigger dicks? Bomb them!” And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. It’s a subconscious need to project the penis into other people’s affairs. It’s called “fucking with people!”
  51. If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

#george_carlin#quotes#beatnikhiway.com#ana_christy

 

 

 

 

 

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repost -60 Dumbest Celebrity Quotes

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60 Dumbest Celebrity Quotes
Published on 5/4/2007

Famous funny, dumb and stupid celebrity quotes:

  • «Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.»

    – Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign. One of the worst celebrity quotes ever.

  • «If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.»

    – Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

  • «So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?»

    Christina Aguilera

  • «Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything.»
    – Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel
  • «I’m convinced the Beatles are partly responsible for the fall of Communism.»
    – Milos Forman, Film director
  • «When I’m a blonde, I can say the world is purple, and they’ll believe me because they weren’t listening to me.»
    – Kylie Bax, Model/Actress, in Stuff magazine.
  • «The internet is a great way to get on the net.»
    – Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate
  • «You guys, line up alphabetically by height.»
    – Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
  • «I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.»
    – Britney Spears, on Blender Magazine (April 2004)
  • «I think war is a dangerous place.»
    – George W. Bush, Washington, D.C. (May 7, 2003)
  • «I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.»
    – Greg Norman, Golfer
  • «It’s nice, it gives you a feeling of security so that if something breaks we know we can always call a guy over and he’ll bring a drill or something.»
    – Brooke Shields, Actress, on why it was is good to live in a co-ed dormitory when she was in college
  • «Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself.»
    – Gyrator, Chicago Rotary Club journal
  • «These people haven’t seen the last of my face. If I go down, I’m going down standing up.»
    – Chuck Person, NBA Basketball player
  • «I’m so smart now. Everyone’s always like ‘take your top off’. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I’m not stupid.»
    – Paris Hilton (December 2003)

    • «I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman»

      – Arnold Schwarzenegger

    • «Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.»

      – Mariah Carey, pop singer

    • «Predictions are difficult. Especially about the future.»

      – Yogi Berra, Baseball player

  • «My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.»
    – Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice.
  • «The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century.»
    – Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
  • «And now the sequence of events in no particular order.»
    – Dan Rather, television news anchor
  • «Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods.»
    – George W Bush, Austin, Texas, Dec. 20, 2000
  • «The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.»
    – Dizzy Dean, explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.
  • «I was in a no-win situation, so I’m glad that I won rather than lost.»
    – Frank Bruno, Boxer
  • «I have opinions of my own –strong opinions– but I don’t always agree with them.»
    – George Bush
  • «I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.»
    – George Rogers, NFL New Orleans Saint RB, when asked about the upcoming season
  • «I do not like this word “bomb.” It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding.»
    – Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons
  • «The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.»
    – Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst
  • «Half this game is ninety percent mental.»
    – Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager
  • «Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it.»
    – Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, ordering a salad at a restaurant.

    • «If I sold all my liabilities, I wouldn’t own anything. My wife’s a liability, my kids are liabilities, and I haven’t sold them.»

      – Ted Turner, media mogul, on selling off his money losing properties

    • «They misunderestimated me.»

      – George W Bush, Bentonville, Ark., (Nov. 6, 2000)

    • «I don’t diet. I just don’t eat as much as I’d like to.»

      – Linda Evangelista, Supermodel

  • «Facts are stupid things.»
    – Ronald Reagan, Former U.S. President
  • «What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.»
    – Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
  • «That’s just the tip of the ice cube.»
    – Neil Hamilton, BBC2
  • «A bachelor’s life is no life for a single man.»
    – Samuel Goldwyn
  • «I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.»
    – Terry Bradshaw, Former football player/announcer
  • «It isn’t pollution that is hurting the environment, it’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.»
    – Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
  • «I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.»
    – Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
  • «The only happy artist is a dead artist, because only then you can’t change. After I die, I’ll probably come back as a paintbrush.»
    – Sylvestor Stallone, Actor
  • «Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.»
    – Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
  • «We are not ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.»
    – Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
  • «Will the highways on the internet become more few?»
    – George W Bush, Concord, New Hampshire, (29th January 2000)
  • «Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.»
    – Keppel Enderbery, Former Australian cabinet minister

    • «There is certainly more in the future now than back in 1964.»

      – Roger Daltrey, Singer/Actor

    • «We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.»

      – Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

    • «I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.»

      — Britney Spears

  • «Pitching is 80% of the game. The other half is hitting and fielding.»
    – Mickey Rivers, baseball player
  • «I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.»
    – Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
  • «Put the ‘off’ button on.»
    – George W. Bush, Associated Press, 14th February 2000
  • «So Carol, you’re a housewife and mother. And have you got any children?»
    – Michael Barrymore
  • «Food is an important part of a balanced diet.»
    – Fran Lebowitz, US writer
  • «We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?»
    – Lee Iacocca, Chairman of the Chrysler corporation
  • «For NASA, space is still a high priority.»
    – Dan Quayle
  • «He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.»
    – Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer
  • «If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.»
    – George Gobel
  • «If only faces could talk…»
    – Pat Summerall, Sportscaster, during the Super Bowl
  • «Every minute was more exciting than the next.»
    – Linda Evans, actress
  • «I’m not anorexic. I’m from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I’ve never heard of one. And that includes me.»
    — Jessica Simpson

THE 100 BEST QUOTES FROM SONGS

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CHAPTER 1 – ABSOLUTELY THE 100 BEST

ID# Song Quote – Artist, Title
1 All lies and jest, still, a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest. – Simon and Garfunkel, The Boxer
2 All of us get lost in the darkness, dreamers learn to steer by the stars. – Rush, The Pass
3 All you need is love, love. Love is all you need. – The Beatles, All You Need Is Love
4 An honest man’s pillow is his peace of mind. – John Cougar Mellencamp, Minutes To Memories
5 And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. – The Beatles, The End
6 Before you accuse me take a look at yourself. – Bo Diddley; Creedance Clearwater Revival; Eric Clapton, Before You Accuse Me
7 Bent out of shape from society’s pliers, cares not to come up any higher, but rather get you down in the hole that he’s in. – Bob Dylan, It’s Alright, Ma
8 Different strokes for different folks, and so on and so on and scooby dooby dooby. – Sly and the Family Stone, Everyday People
9 Don’t ask me what I think of you, I might not give the answer that you want me to. – Fleetwood Mac, Oh Well
10 Don’t you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy, she’ll beat you if she’s able. You know, the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet. – The Eagles, Desperado
11 Even the genius asks questions. – 2 Pac, Me Against The World
12 Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. – Semisonic, Closing Time
[1/9]

Use arrow keys to navigate from page to page or go to:

[Discussion] or [Next Chapter]

Note – The “100 Best” song quotes are not in ranking order (ID numbers are unique and for reference purposes only).  See the Chapter Commentary [Discussion] for how the “100 Best” were derived.

#ana_christy#quotes#music#beatnikhiway.com

Quotes That Will Give You Chills

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 Quotes That Will Give You Chills

COOL PEOPLE- ONE LINERS FROM GROUCHO MARX

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Groucho Marx – 30 great one-liners

Groucho Marx in 1933

Groucho Marx (1890-1977):

‘I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception.’

COOL PEOPLE – HUNTER S. THOMPSON QUOTES

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25 QUOTES ABOUT WHISKEY FROM THE FAMOUS DRINKERS WHO LOVED IT BEST

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25 famous people quotes on whiskey

“The drink which enables a man to magnify his joy, and his happiness.”

quotes-whiskey

There’s little in life better than pouring a double whiskey and sitting down to relax after a long day.

Whether you drink Scotch, rye, or bourbon, you are in the company of some of the world’s finest minds and characters. Mark Twain, Winston Churchill, and James Joyce all enjoyed a dram, and they had no reservations about speaking publicly on the subject.

To help inspire your deeper investigation of whiskey (or your next whiskey barouting), we’ve put together a list of the romantic, funny, and even wistful things that celebrated wits, writers, politicians, and even athletes have said about their beloved booze.

Scroll down to read our favorite whiskey-related musings.

MARK TWAIN

In three words: Besuited American humorist
Thoughts on whiskey: “Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.”

“Give an Irishman lager for a month, and he’s a dead man. An Irishman is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.”

Twainwhiskey jpg 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best

RAYMOND CHANDLER

In three words: Novelist and screenwriter
Thoughts on whiskey: “There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.”

chandlerwhiskey 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best


WINSTON CHURCHILL

In three words: British Prime Minister
Thoughts on whiskey: “The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whisky. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.”

churchillwhiskey jpg 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best

TOMMY COOPER

In three words: British prop comedian
Thoughts on whiskey: “I’m on a whisky diet. I’ve lost three days already.”

cooperwhiskey jpg1 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best


HUMPHREY BOGART

In three words: American actor, Casablanca
Thoughts on whiskey: His last words were, “I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.”

bogartwhiskey jpg 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best

JOHNNY CARSON

In three words: Late Night host
Thoughts on whiskey: “Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whisky, and a dog to eat the rare steak.”

carson whiskey 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best


JOEL ROSENBERG

In three words: American author, strategist
Thoughts on whiskey: “I’m a simple man. All I want is enough sleep for two normal men, enough whiskey for three, and enough women for four.”

rosenbergwhiskey 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best

ABRAHAM LINCOLN

In three words: 16th U.S. president
Thoughts on whiskey: “Tell me what brand of whiskey that Grant drinks. I would like to send a barrel of it to my other generals.”

lincolnwhiskey jpg 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best


TUG MCGRAW

In three words: MLB relief pitcher
Thoughts on whiskey: “Ninety percent I’ll spend on good times, women, and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I’ll probably waste.”

1981 Fleer 7 McGraw jpg 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best

ALEXANDER FLEMING

In three words: Scottish inventor, penicillin
Thoughts on whiskey: “A good gulp of hot whiskey at bedtime—it’s not very scientific, but it helps.”

flemingwhiskey jpg 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best


ERROL FLYNN

In three words: Swashbuckling movie star
Thoughts on whiskey: “I like my whisky old and my women young.”

flynnwhiskey jpg 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best

COMPTON MACKENZIE

In three words: Proud Scotsman, writer
Thoughts on whiskey: “Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast.”

mackenziewhiskey 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best


NGUYEN CAO KY

In three words: Vietnamese political leader
Thoughts on whiskey: “Americans are big boys. You can talk them into almost anything. Just sit with them for half an hour over a bottle of whiskey and be a nice guy.”

%name 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best

AVA GARDNER

In three words: Glamorous movie star
Thoughts on whiskey: ‎”I wish to live to 150 years old, but the day I die, I wish it to be with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other.”

gardnerwhiskey jpg 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best


HARUKI MURAKAMI

In three words: Japanese bestselling author
Thoughts on whiskey: “Whiskey, like a beautiful woman, demands appreciation. You gaze first, then it’s time to drink.”

murakamiwhiskey jpg 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

In three words: Irish playwright, Pygmalion
Thoughts on whiskey: “Whisky is liquid sunshine.”

shawwhiskey jpg 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best


W.C. FIELDS

In three words: American funnyman, actor
Thoughts on whiskey: “Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.”

“Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?”

fieldswhiskey 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best

ANDREW JACKSON

In three words: Wild 7th president
Thoughts on whiskey: “I have never in my life seen a Kentuckian who didn’t have a gun, a pack of cards, and a jug of whiskey.”

jacksonwhiskey 399x500 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best


WILLIAM FAULKNER

In three words: Celebrated Southern author
Thoughts on whiskey: “My own experience has been that the tools I need for my trade are paper, tobacco, food, and a little whisky.”

faulknerwhiskey jpg 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best

JAMES JOYCE

In three words: Dubliners and Ulysses
Thoughts on whiskey: “The light music of whiskey falling into a glass—an agreeable interlude.”

joycewhiskey jpg 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best


IGOR STRAVINSKY

In three words: Russian pianist, composer
Thoughts on whiskey: “My God, so much I like to drink Scotch that sometimes I think my name is Igor Stra-whiskey.”

stravinskywhiskey 25 Quotes About Whiskey from the Famous Drinkers Who Loved It Best

NOAH “SOGGY” SWEAT

In three words: Southern legislator, judge
Thoughts on whiskey: Sweat gave his famous “If-by-whiskey” speech to the Mississippi legislature in 1953. Author John Grisham’s reading begins at 5:04 in the clip below.

“I had not intended to discuss this controversial subject at this particular time. However, I want you to know that I do not shun controversy. On the contrary, I will take a stand on any issue at any time, regardless of how fraught with controversy it might be. You have asked me how I feel about whiskey. All right, here is how I feel about whiskey.

If when you say whiskey you mean the devil’s brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster, that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean the evil drink that topples the Christian man and woman from the pinnacle of righteous, gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, and despair, and shame and helplessness, and hopelessness, then certainly I am against it.

But; If when you say whiskey you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and laughter on their lips, and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer; if you mean the stimulating drink that puts the spring in the old gentleman’s step on a frosty, crispy morning; if you mean the drink which enables a man to magnify his joy, and his happiness, and to forget, if only for a little while, life’s great tragedies, and heartaches, and sorrows; if you mean that drink, the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of dollars, which are used to provide tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitiful aged and infirm; to build highways and hospitals and schools, then certainly I am for it.

This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise.”

10 Devastating Author-To-Author Insults

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10 Devastating Author-To-Author Insults

STEFFANI JACOBY AUGUST 21, 2014

Throughout history, some of the most renowned authors were also the most harshly criticized—often by their equally famous peers. Some of the best-known works of literature, from Shakespeare’s plays to Hemingway’s novels, have been on the receiving end of some truly excoriating putdowns.

10George Bernard Shaw On Shakespeare

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George Bernard Shaw, the only writer to receive both an Academy Award and the Nobel Prize for Literature, produced a variety of well-known (and award-winning) plays, the most famous of which was Pygmalion. Apparently, his success as a playwright led him to believe he had the credentials to make a few scathing comments about Shakespeare himself:

“With the single exception of Homer, there is no eminent writer, not even Sir Walter Scott, whom I can despise so entirely as I despise Shakespeare. The intensity of my impatience with him occasionally reaches such a pitch, that it would positively be a relief to me to dig him up and throw stones at him.”

Shaw wasn’t the only famous author who loved hating the Bard: Voltaire called Shakespeare a “drunken savage” who only appealed to audiences in “London and Canada.” For good measure, he also described his works as a “vast dunghill.”

9Mark Twain On Jane Austen

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For many, Samuel Clemens (aka Mark Twain) remains the quintessential American author. And apparently he harbored some strong feelings about perhaps the quintessential English novelist. In a critical essay on Jane Austen’s works, Twain remarked:

“She makes me detest all her people, without reserve. Is that her intention? It is not believable. Then is it her purpose to make the reader detest her people up to the middle of the book and like them in the rest of the chapters? That could be. That would be high art. It would be worth while, too. Some day I will examine the other end of her books and see.”

“Every time I read Pride and Prejudice, I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.”

Twain’s talent for vitriol wasn’t limited to Austen—he also penned a hilarious essay titled “Fenimore Cooper’s Literary Offenses,” in which he claimed that Cooper’s The Deerslayer managed to commit “114 offenses against literary art out of a possible 115 . . . its humor is pathetic; its pathos is funny; its conversations are—oh! indescribable; its love-scenes odious; its English a crime against the language.” Some argue that Twain addressed these jibes at other famous authors just for the fun of it.

8Charlotte Bronte On Jane Austen

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Jane Austen might be known for her refined characters, but she certainly had a way of making people angry. Charlotte Bronte, a near-contemporary of Austen known to prefer passion over stolid practicalism, let loose after a cursory reading of Pride and Prejudice:

“She ruffles her reader by nothing vehement, disturbs him with nothing profound. The passions are perfectly unknown to her. What sees keenly, speaks aptly, moves flexibly, it suits her to study: but what throbs fast and full, though hidden, what the blood rushes through, what is the unseen seat of life and the sentient target of death—this Miss Austen ignores.”

Later, in a letter to a friend who had warned her not to be too melodramatic, Bronte said she couldn’t have tolerated being confined to the refined gardens and elegant society featured in Austen’s novels.

Authors and critics often base their opinion of Austen on her development of emotion (or lack thereof). Ian Watt claimed that Austen’s works appeal only to those who view logic as superior to emotion. Virginia Woolf, on the other hand, valued Austen’s work, arguing that she was “mistress of greater emotion than appears on the surface.”

7Oscar Wilde On Alexander Pope

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Both authors are among the most prominent in British history, among the few to be honored with memorials in Poet’s Corner of Westminster Abbey. But it appears that Wilde wasn’t a fan of his renowned predecessor. A famously quotable author, full of flippant jabs and insults, Wilde once wrote a letter to a friend in which he observed:

“There are several ways to dislike poetry; one is to dislike it, the other is to read Alexander Pope.”

Since Pope was dead at the time, he didn’t get the chance to reply to Wilde’s putdown, but it’s a fairly safe bet that his response would have been scathing. After all, when the writer Lewis Theobald criticized his adaptations of Shakespeare, Pope responded by making him the main character of an epic, four-volume work of poetry called “The Dunciad,” in which he is supposedly the son and favorite of the goddess “Dulness.” When he later fell out with the playwright Colley Cibber, Pope rewrote the poem to make him the title character instead.

Despite his seeming disdain, critics have noted allusions to Pope’s work in Wilde’s only novel, The Picture Of Dorian Gray, where a turn of conversationstrikingly resembles a line from Pope’s The Rape of the Lock.

6Virginia Woolf On James Joyce

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In a 1922 letter to T.S. Eliot, Woolf asked the poet for his sincere opinion on Joyce’s newly released book, Ulysses. That same year, she wrote to her sister, encouraging her to get to know Joyce: “I particularly want to know what he’s like.”

However, Woolf’s fascination with Joyce didn’t at all indicate that she respected his literary skills. After reading the first few hundred pages ofUlysses, she confided to her diary:

“An illiterate, underbred book it seems to me: the book of a self-taught working man, and we all know how distressing they are, how egotistic, insistent, raw, striking, and ultimately nauseating.”

Woolf wasn’t the only author who had trouble making it through Ulysses. D.H. Lawrence, often associated with Joyce as a master of the modern novel, claimed to be “one of the people who can’t read Ulysses,” although he conceded that Joyce would doubtless “look as much askance on me as I on him.”

5T.S. Eliot On Aldous Huxley

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Some experts seem to think that T.S. Eliot and Aldous Huxley admired each other, at least to some degree. Both were members of the Bloomsbury Circle of Lady Ottoline Morrel, an artsy social group of the time, and both read the others’ work closely. Huxley’s most famous work, Brave New World, and Eliot’s The Hollow Men share many of the same ideas. But that didn’t stop Eliot from taking potshots at Huxley, once remarking:

“Huxley, who is perhaps one of those people who have to perpetrate thirty bad novels before producing a good one, has a certain natural—but little developed—aptitude for seriousness. Unfortunately, this aptitude is hampered by a talent for the rapid assimilation of all that isn’t essential.”

H.G. Wells, another author whose works centered on futuristic, often dystopian scenarios, was greatly disappointed in Huxley’s dark vision of things to come, saying that a writer of Huxley’s standing had “no right to betray the future as he did in that book.”

4William Faulkner On Ernest Hemingway

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Some authors, like Huxley and Wells, fall out over philosophical differences. Faulkner’s beef with Hemingway was much more straightforward— he didn’t like his style. Of Hemingway’s characteristically brief, simple sentences, Faulkner said:

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”

Faulkner’s writing style was certainly more complex than Hemingway’s—it’s not unusual to encounter page-long sentences in his works. Those prolix sentences weren’t an accident; they were part of his writing philosophy. In an interview, Faulkner said he wanted “to put the whole history of the human heart on the head of a pin . . . the long sentence is an attempt to get [a character’s] past and possibly his future into the instant in which he does something.”

And forget using a dictionary to look up words—some of Faulkner’s fabricated portmanteau words, including “allknowledgeable,” “droopeared,” and “fecundmellow,” wouldn’t be found in even the most exhaustive reference works.

3Ernest Hemingway On William Faulkner

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Of course, as a man who once responded to an insult by punching Orson Welles, Hemingway wasn’t about to back down from a fight. In response to Faulkner’s “dictionary” quip, Hemingway sneered:

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”

Hemingway believed that writing should be clear and straightforward enough that readers wouldn’t have to hunt down a reference book to decipher an idea. The best writers don’t need to consult dictionaries, he maintained.

Ironically, some of Hemingway’s works are riddled with foreign words and phrases, which can be tricky for a monolingual English-speaker to understand. Apparently, sending readers to a dictionary was only a problem for Hemingway when an English dictionary was required.

If you want to copy Hemingway’s style, the ever-helpful Hemingway App can assist you by highlighting sentences that need to be simplified and adverbs that need to be deleted. If, on the other hand, you prefer to adopt Faulkner’s style, you might want to sit down with an unabridged Oxford English Dictionary and start reading and randomly combining words.

2W.H. Auden and T.S. Eliot On Edgar Allan Poe

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Edgar Allan Poe was one of the great writers of the 19th century. Many call him the inventor of the murder mystery, and he was certainly a dark, brooding predecessor to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Agatha Christie. Poe also won worldwide acclaim (mostly posthumously) for his lyric poetry, which often focuses on death or loss.

But not everyone approved of Poe’s macabre tales and melodramatic, depressed style. The poet W.H. Auden was less than complimentary, calling Poe:

“An unmanly sort of man whose love-life seems to have been largely confined to crying in laps and playing mouse.”

T.S. Eliot, slightly more politely, attributed to Poe: “the intellect of a highly gifted person before puberty.”

Poe’s life was almost as rocky as his dark stories and poems. After dropping out of school because of financial trouble, finding out his sweetheart had become engaged to another man, and going to visit his mother only to find that she had died, he set out on a quest for fame.

When he was 27, he married 13-year-old Virginia Clemm, who died of tuberculosis a short time later. Poe ultimately expired in a manner as mysterious as his own macabre stories—he was found dead in a public house after disappearing in Baltimore for five days. Today, Poe is either hailed as a literary mastermind or reviled as a pedophile with a fetish for blackbirds.

1Martin Amis On Miguel de Cervantes

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We all have them—those family members or friends whose visits only serve to convince us that they’ve completely lost their minds. Martin Amis, an English novelist most famous for the cult classics Money and London Fields, seems to think Miguel de Cervantes’s famous 17th-century masterpiece embodies that eccentric, ever-inappropriate relative:

“Reading Don Quixote can be compared to an indefinite visit from your most impossible senior relative, with all his pranks, dirty habits, unstoppable reminiscences, and terrible cronies.”

Though Don Quixote met with a mixed reception on its release, many now hail it as the first real modern novel. Harold Bloom, well-respected literary critic and Sterling Professor of Humanities at Yale, only has scintillating things to say about Cervantes’ landmark novel:

“Cervantes and Shakespeare, who died almost simultaneously, are the central western authors, at least since Dante, and no writer since has matched them, not Tolstoy or Goethe, Dickens, Proust, Joyce.”

In the same article, Bloom makes an interesting point: “Cervantes inhabits his great book so pervasively that we need to see that it has three unique personalities: the knight, Sancho, and Cervantes.” If that’s true, maybe Cervantes himself is the personification of that “impossible senior relative” we all know.

Steffani is a freelance writer and coffee addict living on the island of Guam. She’s also a scuba diver, a knitter, and an E.A. Poe aficionado who often gets segments of “The Raven” stuck in her head on repeat. Steffani blogs about life in Guam atOriginalFootprints.com.

hippie quotes

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hippie quotes

200JPFGUMM0Hippie Quotes, Sayings, and Phrases

Hippie Quotes on Music

Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like nobody’s watching.

-Satchel Paige

We’re more popular than Jesus now; I don’t know which will go first- rock and roll or Christianity.

-John Lennon

Do you believe in rock ‘n roll? Can music save your mortal soul?

-Don McLean

Down through all of eternity the crying of humanity, tis’ then when the hurdy gurdy man comes singing songs of love.

-Donovan

Do you believe in magic? Believe in the magic of a young girl’s soul? Believe in the magic of rock ‘n roll? Believe in the magic that can set you free?

-The Lovin’ Spoonful

The New York State Freeway’s closed, man. Far out!

-Arlo Guthrie

Good morning! What we have in mind is breakfast in bed for 400,000.

-Wavy Gravy at Woodstock

Let the sound take you away…

-Steppenwolf

There was a band playing in my head, and I felt like getting high

-Neil Young

We all sang the songs of peace

-Melanie

We all got up to dance. Oh, but we never got the chance!

-Don McLean

You know what rock musicians are? They are hung up, neurotic, over-weight hippies with sex problems.

-David Lee Roth

Love is a friendship set to music.

-Joseph Campbell

Hippies on Activism

Hippie Activism Quotes

There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.

-Jim Morrison

The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.

-Abbie Hoffman

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.

-Eldridge Cleaver

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

-Mahatma Ghandi

Never doubt that a small group of thoughful, committed individuals can change the world, indeed it’s the only thing that ever has.

-Margaret Meade

He who takes a stand is often wrong, but he who fails to take a stand is always wrong.

-Anonymous

They won’t give peace a chance, that’s just a dream some of us had

-Joni Mitchell

Hell no, we won’t go!

-Anti-war chant

Question Authority!

-Unknown

If I’m free, it’s because I’m always running.

-Jimi Hendrix

Masses are always breeding grounds of psychic epidemics.

-Carl Jung

Mother, should I trust the government?

-Pink Floyd

We all want to change the world.

-Beatles

Hippie Philosophy

Jack Kerouac

Hippie Quotes on Philosophy

Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.

-Alan Watts

You’re either on the bus or off the bus.

-Ken Kesey

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”

-Jack Kerouac

Kerouac opened a million coffee bars and sold a million pairs of Levis to both sexes. Woodstock rises from his pages.

-William S. Burroughs

When you’ve seen beyond yourself, then you may find, peace of mind is waiting there.

-George Harrison

Old hippies don’t die, they just lie low until the laughter stops and their time comes round again.

-Joseph Gallivan

Hippy is an establishment label for a profound, invisible, underground, evolutionary process. For every visible hippy, barefoot, beflowered, beaded, there are a thousand invisible members of the turned-on underground. Persons whose lives are tuned in to their inner vision, who are dropping out of the TV comedy of American Life.

-Timothy Leary

All I’m gonna do is just go on and do what I feel.

-Jimi Hendrix

It all depends on how we look at things, and not how they are in themselves.

-Carl Jung

Imagine no possesions, I wonder if you can, No need for greed or hunger, A brotherhood of man. Imagine all the people Sharing all the world.

-John Lennon

Hippies and Drugs

Hippie Quotes on Drugs

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.

-Bob Marley

His hair has the long jesuschrist look. He is wearing the costume clothes. But most of all, he now has a very tolerant and therefore withering attitude toward all those who are still struggling in the old activist political ways…while he, with the help of psychedelic chemicals, is exploring the infinite regions of human consciousness.

-Tom Wolfe

Purple Haze all in my brain, lately things don’t seem the same. Actin’ funny but I don’t know why. ‘Scuse me while I kiss the sky.

-Jimi Hendrix

Your mind is like a parachute, it doesn’t work unless it’s open.

-Jordan Maxwell

Dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope.

-Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

If you can remember the ’60s, then you weren’t there.

-Unknown

One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small. And the ones that mother gives you don’t do anything at all. Go ask Alice, when she’s ten feet tall.

-Jefferson Airplane

My advice to people today is as follows: If you take the game of life seriously, if you take your nervous system seriously, if you take your sense organs seriously, if you take the energy process seriously, you must turn on, tune in, and drop out.

-Timothy Leary

I get by with a little help from my friends, get high with a little help from my friends.

Hippie Quotes About Love

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.

-Joseph Campbell

Make Love, Not War

-Unknown

Love is all you need.

-Beatles

I’ll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.

-Unknown

Make Love, Not War

-Unknown

I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not tin this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.

-Frederick E. Perl

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it…It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.

-Erica Jong

We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep on watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it”

-John Lennon

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love.

-Kahlil Gibran

Made up my mind to make a new start. Going to California with an aching in my heart. Someone told me there’s a girl out there with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair.

-Led Zeppelin

Carry on, love is coming. Love is coming to us all.